back home

What does it say about a person when they move away from home and return back for an undetermined amount of time? Does it say anything about the location of the home? Where they went when they were away? The reasons behind returning?

I was 24 years old when I moved back in with my parents. After spending 3 years on my own, I returned to my adolescent bedroom surrounded by nostalgia and remnants of a past life. The places aren’t the same, just as I am not the same. And yet I return to former haunts searching for a former self that died many lifetimes ago. I’m searching for answers to questions I have yet to formulate, let alone comprehend. Or is it comprehend let alone formulate? Or are they the same thing?

I grew up in a Baptist home in Sylmar, California. Raised by Army veterans who were told they could never conceive, I have a younger sister and brother and the five of us have lived in the same yellow house I’ve always known since I was 2 years old. Though my parents raised us on Christianity, they weren’t as strict as I know they could have been. Through my own rebellion, I’d watch MTV while also memorizing Bible verses. The church of Christ and the church of MTV raised me.

I’ve been scratching at what it means to say something, somewhere, someone is “home”; a 4-letter word that holds many meanings. Home is the yellow house I’ve lived in my entire life. Home is my best friends. Home is the smell of mom’s cigarette while she’s cooking. Home is the way my dad asks if I’ve eaten, knowing that I oftentimes forget to. Home is Sylmar; a place I’ve loved while simultaneously hated because it wasn’t a “nice” area. But I was wrong. We all were. The Valley as a whole is a “nice” area. Do people who were born in the upperclass look at their homes as “not nice”? Or is that something only the working and middle class think?

“back home” is an ongoing project centered around the familial dynamics of a Black-American family living in the Sylmar, California. I’ve always been more of an observer than a participant in our family outings, keeping to myself, recording things either photographically or storing them in my memory for later. I left home with no intention of coming back and have been home for four years.

The 24 photographs on the wall represent just a glimpse into our lives documented between June - November 2017. This is my love letter to my family and to Sylmar.

Courtney Coles, Winter 2018

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All photographs, with the exception of the photograph of my desk, were made with a medium format camera. The photograph of my desk was made with a 35mm point and shoot.

The 16”x20” prints are digital c-prints.

The 5”x7” prints are archival pigment prints.